Bohemian Bex - Not so Bohemian after all!!
What does ‘Bohemian’ mean to you?
To me, it means freedom, art, flow, creativity, change, unconventional, messy hair, travel, excitement...
And, well to look at me you would say I’m not particularly ‘Bohemian’. I’m certainly not living an Anais Nin, life full of lovers and secret stories to share! (not that I’d tell you about anyway ;-) ) I’m married, with two children and a mortgage!! (Yawn!) About as conventional as you can get – apart from my ‘job’ of course. I work as a Tarot reader, psychic, Aromatherapist/Reflexologist, or ‘healer’ for want of a better word, using lots of tools including essential oils, crystals and the above!
But I am Bohemian at heart! (Like most of us really!) When I was younger, I lived a pretty bohemian lifestyle, and I loved it! My friends were artists and in bands, or students who had travelled from many corners of the globe. I would carry an oversized handbag with a notebook, spare toothbrush and clean underwear and see where my days would take me; my only commitment being to my waitressing and bar jobs, which changed frequently, and the odd college lesson (which subject also changed frequently!)
I would watch my friends play in their bands and stay up late with them, discussing the world and the failings of society, the meaning of life and God, the collective consciousness and politics. I would read their Angel cards and we’d try to figure out our path in life.
But, as great as that life was, I was (like so many teenagers!) filled with self doubt, insecurity, and anxiety. I wasn’t the same person I am now. And I think the insecurity of my days added to the insecurity I felt in myself.
Then, I met someone who was destined to make me question everything I thought I knew about myself. The good the bad and the ugly.... and strangely he loved those things about me!
He loved me fiercely and showed me how to love myself. He saw my self destructive tendencies and he didn’t shy away from them. He faced them head on, and instead forced me to lead a life that would challenge me. A life that made me realise my own strength and worth and power.
With him, I went on a new journey. I tried to ‘fit in’ to his lifestyle and be more ‘conventional’, not because he asked me to or would love me more, just because I thought it was the ‘done’ thing! And there were aspects of that life that I loved. The ‘security’ of a stable relationship and of ‘home’, appeals to my Taurean nature and eased some of my childhood insecurities. But being conventional also meant shying away from aspects of who I was. Putting my Angel cards in a drawer....
But denying your knowledge, denying yourself is never going to lead to fulfilment, so slowly I started getting back in touch with myself, and my ‘bohemian’ nature, flitting like a butterfly from one thing to the next, absorbing knowledge from many different teachers and pathways, learning everything and anything, picking up the conventional parts of my life that worked for me (my own sacred space and our home!) and leaving the boring bits (matching socks, coffee mornings, and bake sales!) behind! Having the freedom to choose who I was and who I wanted to be....
So here we are now, our own perfect combination of the unconventional, conventional!