With the Beltane fires of last weekend still smouldering, I wanted to share this short post with you. Actually, I wanted to post it in time for Beltane - but life and Love got in the way!
I’m doing a special MayDay offer on readings for my birthday month of may for £15, which has been popular, but meant this article took a back seat.
As a Pagan; someone who worships the divine in nature, Sex is inextricably linked with Spirit, which I know doesn’t sit well with some religions but for me, it always made sense. Not just because life comes from sex, but because it is through sex that we can have our most profound and intimate experiences of human connection. And through that connection with others, we can hopefully learn to connect with our true nature – our spirit.
Yes, sex is first and foremost creating life, but it is also about connection and intimacy. The other aspect of sex and relationships – the power, and surrender of power, has taken precedent as the ruler of the bedroom (or wherever else your fantasies play out!).
Sex can be a meaningless, or joyful, purely physical act. It can even be used as a weapon – being withheld or shared as a punishment or reward; it can be a battlefield for some couples who have forgotten how to be intimate, or it can be a deeply meaningful shared connection with someone that brings you closer to yourself.
To be truly intimate with someone the ideal scenario is to be able to connect with them on an emotional, physical, intellectual, desirable/passionate and Spiritual level; which also brings into balance the elements of Water (emotions) Earth (physical) Air (intellectual) Fire (desire) and Spirit. I’m not saying that all these elements are going to be present with every partner you ever have, every single time (if only!) but through this kind of deep connection, we can start to master and understand ourselves and our true desires.
“Sex is a source of pleasurable sensations and emotional connection, but beyond that, it’s actually an altered state of consciousness,” Neuroscientist Dr Adam Saffron, Northwestern University.
But to share so much with someone also leaves us feeling vulnerable and brings us back to the power and surrender aspect of sex and love. How do we overcome it? How do we learn to trust on such a deep level that we can continue to grow and enhance our relationships in such a way?
We have to value the ‘connection’ over the ‘power’.
Many of my clients in both Angel Card readings and healing sessions, come to me because they have lost their connection. Or choose not to explore it by putting up boundaries. Whether they are single, dating or even in long term commitments (– the connection can never be taken for granted). It’s a stigmatised word, and one that brings up all sorts of emotions – but they are lonely. They feel isolated, alone and as if no one understands them. They may blame their partner or their lack of partner, but really by connecting again with our true selves – our essence, our Spirit, we can recognise that we must take responsibility for our ‘connection’ with loved ones, and ourselves. We need to recognise that being ‘intimate’ doesn’t mean you have to surrender all of your boundaries, but it does mean you have to be willing to allow people in. You are the best person to know how to connect with yourself – meditation, Angel cards, Reiki, being in nature, doing sports – What do you need in order to reconnect with yourself?
An old motto in our house is ‘do as you would be done by.’ – This is as true in this instance as in any other:
If you want a partner that listens to you – make sure you are also prepared to listen.
If you want a partner who is affectionate – be affectionate to yourself and them.
If you want someone who respects you – respect yourself and them.
If you want a partner to support you – be your own cheerleader, and theirs.
If you’re single, treat yourself how you would like to be treated, cook delicious food, buy yourself flowers or perfume.
If you’re in a relationship, and feeling a little disconnected, use the spirit of Beltane to reconnect – spend the evening outside looking at stars and discussing the meaning of life, or just quietly being together, or drink wine and listen to music – create a couples playlist on spotify, cook together, play a game of cards, read your favourite books to one another.
Remember also, to make space for each other’s needs. Connection can’t be a purely selfish act- you have to find out what your partner desires or needs and find ways to respect and honour that, without sacrificing your own needs – compromise is key!
I’m randomly reminded of a Billy Connelly joke here: “Men need sex in order to feel love, and women need to feel loved in order to want sex! So we’re all fucked!” ( I genuinely think there’s some decent relationship advice in there somewhere! 😂
Whilst sex is always going to be enhanced by connection – the connection doesn’t start and end there!
Beltane festival is all about honouring the balance and union of divine feminine and masculine – the Goddess and God aspect of nature. So use some of that sexy, earthly energy to honour the divine with your own partner.
Belated Beltane blessings to you all xxx